Dark Valley experiences

This few weeks had been the most stressful period of my life yet.

But indeed when I'm down in my deepest valley, I find myself seeking the Lord more.

I've a great godly fear every single day, knowing without God, I can't do the things I need daily.

Even though there's so much things happening, rushing for reports, commiting so many mistakes, problems at home, yet knowing that God is with me is a sure comfort.

I realised that whenever it's the week for morning prayer meeting, my workload increase, stress increase.

But thank God for His constant reminder about prayers.

Even I'm limited by time, He is not.

I'm so discouraged at work that I started to ask God why am I like that?

It's not that I did not try and work hard. It's just that my weaknesses are magnified.

I wanted to give up but i know that failure are not fatal.

Am i holding on wisely or foolishly?

I search the meaning of give up and found some interesting defination:

Give up :

1. Surrender, as in The suspect gave himself up. [1100s]

2. Stop doing or performing something, as in They gave up the search, or She gave up smoking almost thirty years ago. [c. 1600]

3.Part with, relinquish, as in They gave up their New York apartment, or We gave up all hope of finding the lost tickets. [Mid-1500s]

4. Lose hope for, as in We had given you up as lost. [Late 1500s]

5. Admit defeat, as in I give upwhat's the right answer? [c. 1600]

6.Abandon, lose one's faith in, as in I gave up on writing a novel, or She gave up on religion years ago.

I like point #5 the best, give up= admit defeat.

I carry on reading Genesis on the story of Joseph and found many great revelations on.

I more I read, the more I want to understand.
Found this book which I may consider of buying..


The Joseph story is about love and jealousy, and crime and guilt, about loss and pain, and transformation and forgiveness. In contrast to the Cain and Abel account, what is dramatically different in the Joseph story is that Joseph is both the long–suffering victim and the powerful figure who, remembering his own victimization, must decide whether to punish or forgive.
Joseph never seriously considers retribution. Rather, acting almost as a drama therapist, he leads them into a symbolically related journey that changes them. Theirs is not a total transformation, but as Judah’s actions demonstrate, it is one of significance. And in this depiction of the sinner and his capability of change, there is important validation of the place of forgiveness within the moral order, even when justice would have indicated punishment. (Segal 2007, 23)







be STRONG and COURAGEOUS..

A change of view change the situation

Today sermon was awesome.
I had been struggling with the thoughts of giving up.
And I felt the devil is really so skilled in blinding ppl to see the truth.
I tried to get myself out of this dark valley of thoughts and the hardest thoughts which i have to struggle the most is that I do not much much time left.
After spenign more than a decade in serving God, I qns myself and God why am I taking such a long time to fulfill my dreams.
Not that I'm not faithful or do not love GOd. I just couldn't figure out the reason for so many yrs. Even though I brush it away so many times, it kept bouncing back to me.

The antidote to this poisoning thought is when pst say that all worthwhile dreams never happen overnight. As i starts to ponder about it, i felt God is speaking to me that to some, achieving what I want may be simple but to me God has a purpose higher than mine.
So many times, countless time I complained in my heart about how alone I was to fight the battles in my time. And very often, i know what i need is prayer support to help me through but seems like it's so hard to get even within the church. To a extent that I started to have resentment and rebellion. Only today, after so many years, God spoke to me about this.
He said:" if I was to send someone to help you through, then how would you ever learn to fight through the battle and win it by yourself?"
It indeed blow my mind, yes, so many times, subconsciously, i desire so much the support and prayer of other that we don't try hard enough on ourselves. And all we do is to be like child, sit on the floor and cry, do nothing much and expect problems to be solved.

Like how Jesus is about to walk pass the disciples in the storm,knowing that they've power and authority to calm the storm themselves.
Even Jesus stop by to let them when they call out to Him, his intention is just to walk pass them.

Situation can be the same, but just even a degree change of view can change the seriousness of the situation.

To the disciple, the storm is a life or death situation. To Jesus, the storm is a situation that He knew that the disciples can control it.

be STRONG and COURAGEOUS...

I can walk out of the storm.

Wake me up with a love song ~

Just finish watching American next top model, sad to see one of my fav candidate was send back just becoz she was too "mature" for the modelling industry and she is only 25!

Anyway, the truth abt how makeup can do wonders are getting more and more into me after watching the show week after week.

Anyway, want to thank God and really appreciate how His Word continuely reminding me about the truth.

In this Jungle world, it's no longer the strongest survive but the one with the brain. Always thinking of how you can get your way in the get the most.

VERY TRUE. THE WORLD IS ALWAYS OUT TO GET!

At the beginning, when I'm younger, even though work is tough, we're still under protection so ok, becoz the big dogs dun really care about getting over someone without much power.

But when you get into a position where your decision could affect result, this is where the tall poppy symdrome come.

People want to chop you off because you holds the power to affect them. This is where moral and belief are under the challenge.

Very often, what was taught is that you need to be over-ride people before they over-ride you.

What to do?

Obviously, you cannot be nice and give whatever ppl wants. That's bad business.

Pst msg kept flashing back in my mind.

I want to stay humble, not thinking that I'm better off the others and yet coming against wave of challenge from the industry.

The world says: Eat Them before They eat you mindset.

God says: Love your enemy for God will be my judge.

I desperately need the wisdom of God so much to balance humility and confidence.

The older I get, the higher I go, the more I need God.

Now I get a clearer picture that the more I want to do well in the marketplace, the more I want to shine, the more I need God becuase it is IMPOSSIBLE to do well in the marketplace and not thinking to work the world's way.

Like without God, You need to be as cunning as the world, you need to depend fully on yourself and solve problems with human solutions. You'll plan the most logical way as the world does.

Nothing supernatural will come out all these.

To hold on to God is the ONLY key to keep oneself pure while you're fighting in the war of the world.

My Favourite Quote now..

"He’ll block the shot for you when your defender is attacking. He’ll clear the way for you so you can do a lay up. He’ll call a time out for you when you’re tired. When God is in your team, victory will be on your side. The only thing you need to do - is keep on running."
— Kong Hee

Love my new laptop but looking into another view is that since i can do my work at home, i have to do my work no matter what to get it done.
Work is getting more stress. 9 hrs is definately not enough and i felt that working in the office is not effective for me, have to train myself to be more focus, more alert and more effective.

I think no matter what i had heard, i shall not let it affect me too much.

Thanks God for Pst Kong's msg on Sat.

God can fight for you in your team! He is able to help me to go against the
world's logic so that I can find the favor and grace to fulfill my desires in
life.

I know it's dog eat dog world out there and one need to be a dog to survive. Ya...One that is without God to assist in the natural and the supernatural definately need to be a dog to survive

I strongly believe that i need not to be one. Naive? not really, just do not want to do things that make the world such a hard place to live in. As what was preached, we need to make one another life better.

The more the world is bad to you, the more I cannot be like the world - This maybe what God say by if you love only those are good to you then what make you different from the world.

I definately need to pray more for God's anointing and strenght to shown it to the world that I need not be a dog to survive. Just merely hardwork, wisdom, prayer, faith and love.

I LOVE the praise song where we declare singing that we can do all things throught Him who give us strength.

Just to sidetrack, my dad just gave me some homecooked soup..feel so loved...hehe...

okie.. need to wake up early to excerise and prepare for work!

Keep everyone in prayer!!

LOved Daphne

Okay....i finally own a laptop on my own...
so now i can blog more.

This month is the birthday month of Minghui, Preston, Roger and my 2 best friends, Adam and Audrey. So many November babies...

Anyway,Today just met up with the team from GV coz we're planning to do some collobration with them on a moive. Real excited for the upcoming events @ work.

Want to thank God for all the blessings He had given to me and i believe more to come.
I pray that my confirmation will come earlier which will be a high possibility and my manager suddenly mentioned abt incentives...Hm, does that means extra income?
I hope it really do.

Pray hard that I'll get prorated bonus for the new year even I only work like 3 months when Jan reached...

Okay...got to update on my progress to slim down.
Just got a gym membership in the neighbourhood.
It's only like $20 PER MONTH!
Actually it's a seinor citizen gym but it's quite well equipped and the best thing is, there is usually no one when I went over to exercise so it become my personal gym where i can do weight lifting etc.
Today is a full day so planning to go tmr after work.
Poor Merci, no one is bringing her out....i always break my promise to her...:P
okie...shall sleep now so that I can wake up tmr and be early for work!

There are so much things I want to do but I think the only that is stopping me is that no one really can accompany me to do it.

Like Water Skiing!
Comparing the price in Spore and Batam, Batam is definately much cheaper.
Found one that is only $90 for the whole package and the best thing is that i can use the facilities for 1 full day for the package price.

So I'm thinking nothing is like going to stop me.
Planning for an advanture.


http://www.cable-ski.com/rates.html